Instagram used to be my happy place. It used to be my escape from the ugly reality of the world cause I immersed myself into the Yoga community & surrounded myself with like minded people full of positive energy and fitness goals.
Now I find the place that was once my refuge has now become breached.
Just when I thought I was starting to come to terms with my sons death from Cancer yet I see many, many messages about yet another person who is dying from Cancer. I thought I could be supportive (which I was) but I found myself sinking back into that deep depression I was in when my son first passed. I’ve been declining emotionally and where I saw progress with my acceptance of my sons disease now I find myself questioning once again “Could I have done more”.
I thought I was ready to be a support system for others who are battling this ugly disease but it’s clear I’m not. Just because I’m smiling & laughing on the outside doesn’t mean I’m whole. I’m still very much broken on the inside. Not everything on the surface is what it appears. I’m still battling the aftermath of Cancer & I can’t be present for my family if I’m falling apart every time that wound gets re-opened. I’m taking another break from IG cause I just can’t deal with all the sad notifications. I don’t even watch TV anymore cause I break down every time I see all the Cancer commercials especially the St.Jude kids.
Now my only escape is the place I love, the place I’ve always loved from Day 1, the mountains. My only solace, my only escape where I can clear my head and actually take a deep breath.