The other day I went shopping for some home repair supplies. I went to self check out because there was a register available & I find myself to be quicker than most cashiers, lol.
My register wasn’t working properly & it kept asking for a code so I had to ask the head cashier to come over. The head cashier was a young man, early twenties, athletic build, who seemed flustered already. There were other people calling him over for codes so I knew all the machines were acting up. It was snowing mixed with sleet that day so I’m not sure if the weather played any part in the commotion.
Well my machine asked for a code a few more times & I can see this young man growing increasingly more frustrated each time he came over. By the fifth time I gave up & decided to go to a human cashier. When the young man sees me driving my cart away he says “where you going?” I replied “I’m going to a cashier” He then loudly says “You don’t have to get mad, I’ll check you out” But the best part was, he says that with an attitude. I was annoyed at this point but I kept my cool & I said “I’m not mad”
He then shoots back again with the same attitude “Still, you don’t have to get mad” Everyone else checking out stops and looks at me. Now I’m mad! I felt he was extremely unprofessional but I knew he was having a bad day so I didn’t say anything & I moved to his register.
This young man was running from register to register putting his code into everyone’s machine & I could see he was losing his cool. It was so bad that I made eye contact with one of the other cashiers (casually pleading for her to help him out) so she came over when she was done with her customer & helped out.
When all the chaos was over, that young man came over & apologized to me. I accepted his apology, thanked him for his help & I left.
I could have easily escalated the situation….easily, lol. But sometimes you have to take a step back, take a deep breath and evaluate a situation. I knew this kid was having a really rough day and who knows if he was new, nervous or any number of factors.
Don’t get me wrong, that does not excuse his behavior by any means but maybe he also realized he was wrong. I’m just grateful that I kept my cool long enough to give him the opportunity to apologize to me.
Do you trust your inner wisdom? Do you know your own truth or are you always second guessing yourself?
This is the year that I decided to start trusting myself….I mean REALLY trusting myself. I’ve been saying for months that I was gonna rid myself of clutter including people who no longer serve me & I intend on keeping that promise to myself.
Well I recently met some “friends” of a family member & I didn’t get a good feeling about them the first time around but I didn’t want to let my initial impression put me off. After a few get togethers, it turns out, my instincts were right on point & these people are really not who I want to be around. Let’s just say they don’t have the most positive mind frame. Everything out of their mouth is filled with vulgarity & negativity. I don’t want to spend my time with people who are so negative that they bring my energy level down & for the sake of not hurting my family members feelings I’m the one who has to sacrifice my good vibes. I just can’t do it, this is where I draw the line.
I’m not interested in having a large circle of people in my life, whether it be family or friends. Quality is more important to me than quantity. I’d rather have a small core group of people who make me feel wonderful than have a large group of people who I can’t even be myself with.
So my intention is to speak my truth & the next time my family member attempts to have a “meet up” involving these “friends” I will say no. I cannot sacrifice my good energy, something I’ve worked so hard to find, just to lose it again for the sake of not hurting other people’s feelings who probably don’t give the first shit about me in the first place.
Hello Word Press Family 🤗 Im back after a very long extended break!
I had a lot of soul searching to do. 2017 was an incredibly tumultuous year for me & before the year ended I made a decision to take care of me first. I am of no use to anyone else if I’m not ok.
I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions..not anymore. I always break them before January is even over so I decided to make small changes with myself. I started those changes mid December. I started getting rid of “clutter”.
“Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that doesn’t support your better self.”
I started cutting back on my social media presence, changed my diet & removed myself from toxic relationships/ friendships. This all happened in December. January came & I was already in motion. I felt stronger & more prepared because I was already in the midst of my personal changes.
I went back to my old love…daily hiking! I’m reading again, I’m halfway thru a book I got for Christmas and I’m making small daily goals and accomplishing them. I have to make a note for myself every evening of what I want to accomplish the next day and I stick to those short term goals. I feel great when I get these things accomplished.
I want to live more in the present, not only for my loved ones but mostly for myself. Being glued to my phone 3 hrs a day commenting on people’s posts & responding will not help me achieve my greater self. That’s 3 hours of my daily life I will never get back & I will never let that happen again.
I want to do more things I enjoy like hiking, reading, writing & traveling. I want to live each day more fruitfully. I want to make the most out of each day on MY TERMS cause memories are not made by clicking the keyboard. 😉
I did exactly what I intended on doing today which was escaping everything & everyone and going up to the mountains to be alone. It was first thing in the morning right after the kids went off to school & my husband went back to bed so I was able to just go without being on the “clock” and disappear for a little while.
It was extremely foggy & misty so I knew no one would be there. On a good day there’s usually no one around so on a crappy day like today I knew I’d have this certain spot all to myself.
I did a lot of stretching & then some Yoga for about an hour and a half whilst listening to the birds singing & the crickets chirping. I thought about my life up to that point, things that made me happy, things I’m grateful for & things I should be grateful for.
I sat for a little while looking out past the trees into the fog and I felt fortunate to have lived up to that moment. My life is far from perfect but I was relieved to feel this tremendous inner peace inside. The peace comes from knowing that I’m a good person, I have an honest heart & I can sleep with a clear conscience each night. I’ve always tried to help others & often go out of my way to do so.
Yes, sadness still exists in my life (it always will) but I knew at that moment, that every single day I HAVE TO choose to find that inner peace within me. No one can do it for me, I have to do it myself. Even if the happiness comes in short bursts of moments I still have to enjoy them when they do happen.
Sometimes you have to step away from the chaos of life to get back in touch with yourself. I will continue to remind myself every now & then that I NEED TO do something every single day that brings me peace, puts a smile on my face & makes me happy.
Instagram used to be my happy place. It used to be my escape from the ugly reality of the world cause I immersed myself into the Yoga community & surrounded myself with like minded people full of positive energy and fitness goals.
Now I find the place that was once my refuge has now become breached.
Just when I thought I was starting to come to terms with my sons death from Cancer yet I see many, many messages about yet another person who is dying from Cancer. I thought I could be supportive (which I was) but I found myself sinking back into that deep depression I was in when my son first passed. I’ve been declining emotionally and where I saw progress with my acceptance of my sons disease now I find myself questioning once again “Could I have done more”.
I thought I was ready to be a support system for others who are battling this ugly disease but it’s clear I’m not. Just because I’m smiling & laughing on the outside doesn’t mean I’m whole. I’m still very much broken on the inside. Not everything on the surface is what it appears. I’m still battling the aftermath of Cancer & I can’t be present for my family if I’m falling apart every time that wound gets re-opened. I’m taking another break from IG cause I just can’t deal with all the sad notifications. I don’t even watch TV anymore cause I break down every time I see all the Cancer commercials especially the St.Jude kids.
Now my only escape is the place I love, the place I’ve always loved from Day 1, the mountains. My only solace, my only escape where I can clear my head and actually take a deep breath.
This past weekend I took a break from social media just so I could focus on myself. I didn’t post any pictures, didn’t log in to see what anyone was doing, I didn’t make a big “unplug” announcement, I just went M.I.A and disappeared. You know what? It felt damn good! I finally got a lot of work done around the house & spent more time with my family and I felt really relaxed. Not that being on social media stresses me out but I can easily get lost in it & innocently looking at 1 post can turn into a couple of hours of looking at post after post (at least for me).
Luckily for me my only vice is Instagram. My Instagram is primarily for fitness & positive posts. My Facebook is inactive and I don’t have any other accounts. I know people who run multiple active social media accounts and I have no idea how they have a social life involving real human people, lol.
I limit my social media time & and now that I know how good that break felt I will be taking more mental health breaks.
Sometimes you need an escape from the world to refocus on what’s really important within yourself.
It’s ironic how critical the world of Yoga has become when it’s suppose to be about being “judgement free”.
Yoga, as I understand it, is suppose to signify any form of connection. It’s a conscious connection to something to allow us to feel & experience that state of bliss, a joyous feeling. There is no single definition of yoga but in order to understand it we must study it in all it’s different forms and definitions.
There are some days when I crave restorative yoga (slow paced), other days I crave more activity (vinyasa-style yoga) and yet other days I just want to do my own damn thing, have fun, find something to climb on and test my balancing skills, lol. I don’t always have time to go to a yoga class and sometimes (to be honest) I just want to be alone and do my own thing in the park or in my backyard. I’ve recently tried an aerial yoga class (yoga using a hammock) which was pretty cool and I will continue to experiment different forms of yoga classes cause variety is the spice of life.
On social media, I absolutely love the variety of monthly yoga challenges. They range from challenging to silly but I love them all cause depending on how I feel will dictate which challenges I join. It also forces me to get on my mat when I’m not in the mood.
The variety of social media Yoga has helped me a great deal with my struggle with depression. By nature, I am a silly person and the goofier something is the more it will bring me out of my shell. I don’t do well in serious situations, I just withdraw. So it saddens me when I see the commentary on what Yoga “should be” about or the condemnation of the sillier versions of Yoga challenges.
Yoga is an individual journey and it should continue to have variety just like people. That’s what makes it so interesting & so beautiful.