“He who conquers his wrath overcomes his greatest enemy.”

Wrath ☝🏽is one of the seven deadly sins, which in my opinion is the deadliest. What do you do to overcome your wrath? Let’s face it we’ve all been there, we’ve all lost our shit at some point in life and become wrath. That’s ok, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t but the important point is did you learn from it? 

It’s taken me 50 years but I learned and am still learning that patience is the virtuous behavior of wrath. I’ve learned to have patience with myself. Losing your mind will only make things worse cause you end up saying or doing something you regret later. Then no amount of “I’m sorry” can un-do your actions. I’ve learned that removing myself from a bad situation & taking time to clear my head is always the better option….always! 

Wrath is evil, Wrath is misleading, Wrath disguises itself in many forms of justice but it’s up to us to use patience to guide us in the right direction. People seem to forget, only YOU have the power to allow wrath in.  Use patience to see things in it’s truest form & then you will be able to make informed decisions. Sometimes silence is more powerful than a storm.

Remember hastiness is the beginning of wrath and it’s ending is repentance. 

“You will never understand the damage you did to someone until the same thing is done to you. That’s why I’m here.” -Karma

I recently found out that someone who I really dislike (dislike is an extremely gentle word) experienced a tragedy in their life.

It was by chance that I found out about this tragic event and the first thought that came to my mind was “karma”. The funny thing is that I never wished bad on this person or even had them on my mind. I don’t even think about this person unless I get harassed. This person has been a thorn in my side for the past 20 years, just doing everything imaginable to make my life miserable. So when I found out about their unfortunate circumstance I couldn’t help but think they had it coming to them. I’m a firm believer that what you put out in the universe comes back to you (good or bad). So when people do wrong, they get theirs too. You may not always find out about it but in my case I’m glad I did. 

This person wished my son dead. As a matter of fact, my son told me a few weeks before he passed that the last conversation they had turned into an argument & the last thing this person said to him was “I hope you die.” This person called me after my son passed to harass me. I found out yesterday that a month to the day after my son passed this persons brother passed in a motorcycle accident. This person has since stopped harassing me. Karma? Maybe.

I’m not happy about that situation but I  certainly feel like Karma got this person out of my hair which needed to happen. It’s a shame it took a personal tragedy for this person to finally leave me alone.

Not quite sure if this was Karma or Poetic Justice but I’m thankful I can finally start to grieve in peace 🙏🏽

“True confidence has no room for jealousy and envy. When you know you are great you have no reason to hate.”

Ahhhh Envy ☝🏽 one of the seven deadly sins. Have you ever felt envious because it appeared as if someone else had it better than you? Whether it be a bigger house, nicer clothes, awesome toys, fancy vacations…the list goes on. Social Media plays a big role in helping people play these things up. I don’t know how kids deal with it nowadays without having a strong parental role model standing by & guiding them. Thank Goodness there was no social media when I was growing up because I felt envious over what I consider stupid now. Growing up, the big thing in my day was designer jeans. I grew up poor so my parents couldn’t afford any of the brand name clothes but of course going to school I felt envious of the kids who could afford the very item I wanted. 

Looking back now, none of that is important to me because what matters is what makes me happy and it’s not material items. Those are the values I try to pass on to my kids. I think I’ve done a pretty good job because they seem to be preoccupied with their hobbies & extracurricular activities & are not hung up on social media (thank goodness).

On social media I read a lot of posts where people make snide comments about others having too many fancy clothes or going on lavish vacations. Who cares? I’m personally happy for all those people. I enjoy seeing other people post things that make them happy, it beats reading about negativity and hate all day.

Keep in mind the next time you see someone, your neighbor, a friend, a post and are feeling a tad bit of envy, you don’t know what’s really going on behind that persons closed doors. Just because there’s a smile on the outside doesn’t mean there’s a smile on the inside. Everyone has a story & people usually post ONLY what they want the world to see. So if you feel envy creeping in beat it down by showing kindness. After all, the virtuous behavior of envy is kindness. 

“Depression is living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.”

depression

I am clinically depressed. My Doctor told me that at my last appointment but given the circumstances, with my son passing, she said she could understand why. I’m not sitting in a dark corner of a room crying every day, depressed…I’m just depressed. I fight it daily. I struggle to get myself moving every single day but I get myself going. I find that once I’m in motion I’m ok. I find the most trouble at night. I can’t sleep so I take the medication my Doctor prescribed to help relax me. I only take half cause that’s all I need. I try not to let my mind wander cause then it gets worse so I keep busy.

I’ve had bad days where I just didn’t want to leave the house or talk to anyone. I avoid talking to people when I’m feeling really down but the funny thing is that when someone else is having a bad day I reach out & try to help them. I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone else, that’s just me.  At one point my husband told me to find a therapist cause he thought it would make me feel better but I don’t see the point in paying someone to tell me what I already know. I’m sad cause my son died a very painful death at an early age. I have to find a way to get over it. I don’t need to pay someone hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars to tell me I did everything I could.

My son very much wanted to live and that is the pain that I still hold on to. I’m slowly learning to move on at my own pace and I guess that’s the moral to this story. Every one has to learn how to deal with their own depression their own way. We’re not all made the same way and we certainly don’t deal with depression the same. We all have to find our own way. There is no right or wrong way as long as it makes you feel better & it’s not detrimental to your health then it’s not wrong.

Trying to come out of this depression has been a full time job for me. I put on a happy face for my family even when I don’t feel like it cause I don’t want them to worry about me. What does “MY” depression feel like? It’s a pain in my heart. It’s a heaviness that I just can’t get rid of. There are some days that it doesn’t feel as heavy as others but it’s always there. I was reading a bereavement blog where one mother wrote you never get over it you just learn to live with it and that’s when you can truly move on.

I’m trying my best to adjust to this new life with this added weight…my heavy heart that I now have to learn to live with.

“Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.”

humor

Do you take yourself too seriously or are you light-hearted? What do you do to relieve stress? I can list a page of things I like to do when I’m stressed but basically I like to keep myself busy and I like to have a good time while doing it. I like to surround myself with people who have a good sense of humor and who can take a joke.

Life is stressful enough without having the Debbie downers in your life bringing you further down. Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with having a sad moment(s) cause that will probably be my next post but it’s so important to recognize it then bring yourself out of it… not stay stuck in neutral. Only you can make the decision to find joy in life despite what circumstances you face. When I find myself in an emotional rut I tend to shut people out because I don’t want to bring anyone else down (that’s just me). I recognize when I’m spiraling into that awful dark abyss and I do what I can to bring myself out of it. The last thing I need to do is NOTHING. I find something that I enjoy and I just do it. I don’t think about it,  I just move my body.

I have a pretty good sense of humor about things and I think that’s what helps me get through my dark moments. The more wacky & humorous a situation, means more fun for me…. but that’s what works for me. That’s doesn’t work for everyone so you have to find your little piece of joy or whatever you think will pull you out of your abyss and hold on to that cause that’s your lifeline each and every time.

“Those who stick by your side through your worst times are the ones who deserve to be with you through your best times.”

It’s easy to have people in your life when things are going good but what about when the going gets tough? Are the same ones still around? Can you count on your fingers and toes who’s willing to lend a helping hand or is that when the crickets come out?

The funny thing is that only when adversity presents itself is when you know who is truly in your corner. Only then is when you know who has your back or when people’s selfishness surface. You can look at that as hurtful (and initially it is) but the truth is it’s a blessing in disguise. Why would you want disingenuous people in your life? I’d rather have a handful of quality people in my life who are loyal than a hundred who I couldn’t trust. That includes family.  Family aren’t always loyal either. Blood relation doesn’t automatically grant someone trustworthiness, that’s something that should always be earned regardless of kinship. 

Sometimes you have to unfollow people in real life. The greatest example we can learn from………….”Hitler had millions of followers Jesus had 12.”

“When you love what you have, you have everything you need.”

Are you happy in life or content? There is a difference. I was reading an article recently about the difference and it described being happy as a momentary feeling of pleasure & content as being satisfied. That struck a chord with me. I had my “ah ha” moment at that point & thought about everything I lived for & done up until now.

Was I happy or content? Am I just doing things out of routine or am I truly living the way I want to live? I have my daily goals & my life goals. Some things I’ve managed to accomplish and some I haven’t and that’s all part of life. But when I thought good & hard; yes I am satisfied with where I am in my life. I am with the man I love and my children whom I adore. We don’t live in the lap of luxury but we live in peace and we’re living comfortably. I wouldn’t switch places with anyone for any amount of money. 

Money doesn’t always equate happiness. I love everything that I have and for me that’s enough.