How do you even begin to find a way to move on with life when someone you love passes?
The grieving process is so long & complicated and because everyone grieves differently you don't know how you're suppose to feel or what's considered normal.
I received a pamphlet in the mail today from the funeral home that handled my sons service and the timing was perfect.
I've been experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions since my sons passing and it's been very confusing for me. Some days I feel ok, other days I feel angry and yet other days I cry for hours but mostly I feel numb.
This booklet described every range of emotion I've been experiencing from A to Z and reading all of that felt like someone was reaching out to me to tell me everything I've been feeling is normal and I was going to be Ok. I felt like it was a personal message delivered specifically to me & it made me feel better cause I didn't feel so alone.
Sometimes just having someone else validate your feelings can be enough to help get you through the process.
No one will be able to erase the permanent pain imprinted in my heart but I feel better knowing everything I've been feeling is normal and sometimes it's ok not to be ok.
But what's even more important is that on good days I shouldn't feel guilty cause it's also ok to be ok.
In this world of self loathing where we as a village are trying to teach our children to love themselves as they are… why are we now saying that pride is a bad thing? Pride is a bad thing if it’s used for unjustified boasting or has narcissistic undertones. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of one’s own accomplishments and patting oneself on the back for progress but when it crosses the line of self obsessed ego that’s when pride can be a bad thing.
Remember to celebrate accomplishments with those you care about or those who you were with from the beginning. Pride can do funny things to people. I had a conversation with my daughter the other day about people in her dance academy who move up to higher levels and then suddenly stop speaking to their friends in the lower levels. I also see that on social media. People who get popular, gain tons of followers then either stop interacting with friends who have less followers or just unfollow them all together, lol. Is this high opinion of oneself getting in the way of common sense? Vanity can cloud one’s judgement and I guess that’s why Pride is one of the seven deadly sins.
It’s eerie how the church saw this as a capital vice and classified it to help people stop their inclination towards evil before dire consequences occurred. The virtuous behavior of pride is humility. Humility is being modest about ones own accomplishments. You can still be proud but unassertive and graceful. Why are people mentally putting themselves so high up on a pedestal that they forget who was by their side in the beginning? I say always be mindful of who you are and where you came from. Always be authentic and true to yourself because you never know what can happen. As fast as you got there is as fast as you can lose it. One of my most favorite quotes which still holds true till this day:
” Be nice to people on your way up because you might meet them again on your way back down.”
What happens when the person(s) you forgive continue to hurt you & it goes on for years? How long do you keep forgiving before it’s obvious you’ve become a doormat? I can get behind the whole theory of forgiveness but sometimes instead of forgiving you need to walk away and not look back. I’m not here to allow people to use me as their verbal punching bag. I think sometimes it’s better to forgive yourself and keep moving forward in life.
Instead of forgiveness, learn a lesson, don’t hate but don’t allow that person(s) to get close again. Don’t allow forgiveness to turn into foolishness.
Wrath ☝🏽is one of the seven deadly sins, which in my opinion is the deadliest. What do you do to overcome your wrath? Let’s face it we’ve all been there, we’ve all lost our shit at some point in life and become wrath. That’s ok, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t but the important point is did you learn from it?
It’s taken me 50 years but I learned and am still learning that patience is the virtuous behavior of wrath. I’ve learned to have patience with myself. Losing your mind will only make things worse cause you end up saying or doing something you regret later. Then no amount of “I’m sorry” can un-do your actions. I’ve learned that removing myself from a bad situation & taking time to clear my head is always the better option….always!
Wrath is evil, Wrath is misleading, Wrath disguises itself in many forms of justice but it’s up to us to use patience to guide us in the right direction. People seem to forget, only YOU have the power to allow wrath in. Use patience to see things in it’s truest form & then you will be able to make informed decisions. Sometimes silence is more powerful than a storm.
Remember hastiness is the beginning of wrath and it’s ending is repentance.
I recently found out that someone who I really dislike (dislike is an extremely gentle word) experienced a tragedy in their life.
It was by chance that I found out about this tragic event and the first thought that came to my mind was “karma”. The funny thing is that I never wished bad on this person or even had them on my mind. I don’t even think about this person unless I get harassed. This person has been a thorn in my side for the past 20 years, just doing everything imaginable to make my life miserable. So when I found out about their unfortunate circumstance I couldn’t help but think they had it coming to them. I’m a firm believer that what you put out in the universe comes back to you (good or bad). So when people do wrong, they get theirs too. You may not always find out about it but in my case I’m glad I did.
This person wished my son dead. As a matter of fact, my son told me a few weeks before he passed that the last conversation they had turned into an argument & the last thing this person said to him was “I hope you die.” This person called me after my son passed to harass me. I found out yesterday that a month to the day after my son passed this persons brother passed in a motorcycle accident. This person has since stopped harassing me. Karma? Maybe.
I’m not happy about that situation but I certainly feel like Karma got this person out of my hair which needed to happen. It’s a shame it took a personal tragedy for this person to finally leave me alone.
Not quite sure if this was Karma or Poetic Justice but I’m thankful I can finally start to grieve in peace 🙏🏽
Ahhhh Envy ☝🏽 one of the seven deadly sins. Have you ever felt envious because it appeared as if someone else had it better than you? Whether it be a bigger house, nicer clothes, awesome toys, fancy vacations…the list goes on. Social Media plays a big role in helping people play these things up. I don’t know how kids deal with it nowadays without having a strong parental role model standing by & guiding them. Thank Goodness there was no social media when I was growing up because I felt envious over what I consider stupid now. Growing up, the big thing in my day was designer jeans. I grew up poor so my parents couldn’t afford any of the brand name clothes but of course going to school I felt envious of the kids who could afford the very item I wanted.
Looking back now, none of that is important to me because what matters is what makes me happy and it’s not material items. Those are the values I try to pass on to my kids. I think I’ve done a pretty good job because they seem to be preoccupied with their hobbies & extracurricular activities & are not hung up on social media (thank goodness).
On social media I read a lot of posts where people make snide comments about others having too many fancy clothes or going on lavish vacations. Who cares? I’m personally happy for all those people. I enjoy seeing other people post things that make them happy, it beats reading about negativity and hate all day.
Keep in mind the next time you see someone, your neighbor, a friend, a post and are feeling a tad bit of envy, you don’t know what’s really going on behind that persons closed doors. Just because there’s a smile on the outside doesn’t mean there’s a smile on the inside. Everyone has a story & people usually post ONLY what they want the world to see. So if you feel envy creeping in beat it down by showing kindness. After all, the virtuous behavior of envy is kindness.
I am clinically depressed. My Doctor told me that at my last appointment but given the circumstances, with my son passing, she said she could understand why. I’m not sitting in a dark corner of a room crying every day, depressed…I’m just depressed. I fight it daily. I struggle to get myself moving every single day but I get myself going. I find that once I’m in motion I’m ok. I find the most trouble at night. I can’t sleep so I take the medication my Doctor prescribed to help relax me. I only take half cause that’s all I need. I try not to let my mind wander cause then it gets worse so I keep busy.
I’ve had bad days where I just didn’t want to leave the house or talk to anyone. I avoid talking to people when I’m feeling really down but the funny thing is that when someone else is having a bad day I reach out & try to help them. I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone else, that’s just me. At one point my husband told me to find a therapist cause he thought it would make me feel better but I don’t see the point in paying someone to tell me what I already know. I’m sad cause my son died a very painful death at an early age. I have to find a way to get over it. I don’t need to pay someone hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars to tell me I did everything I could.
My son very much wanted to live and that is the pain that I still hold on to. I’m slowly learning to move on at my own pace and I guess that’s the moral to this story. Every one has to learn how to deal with their own depression their own way. We’re not all made the same way and we certainly don’t deal with depression the same. We all have to find our own way. There is no right or wrong way as long as it makes you feel better & it’s not detrimental to your health then it’s not wrong.
Trying to come out of this depression has been a full time job for me. I put on a happy face for my family even when I don’t feel like it cause I don’t want them to worry about me. What does “MY” depression feel like? It’s a pain in my heart. It’s a heaviness that I just can’t get rid of. There are some days that it doesn’t feel as heavy as others but it’s always there. I was reading a bereavement blog where one mother wrote you never get over it you just learn to live with it and that’s when you can truly move on.
I’m trying my best to adjust to this new life with this added weight…my heavy heart that I now have to learn to live with.